More Power of Words: Toast To A Couple

translating love & marriage as best I could ..........

Here's a slightly adapted version of the toast I read for my daughter's wedding. I wanted to do something a bit unexpected. By the end, some tears were shed, along with some heartfelt applause. Crying and applause weren’t the point, of course. As with eulogies, vows, and obituaries, I found myself, once again, marveling at the power of words.

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A while ago, I got one of those unexpected phone calls. You know how it is—a friend or child calls at some weird time, like 1 a.m., and you think, "This can't be good."

This call wasn't at 1 a.m. It was about 10 a.m. when I looked down and noticed a call from Jon.¹ I hadn't received many calls from him, so I was fifty-fifty on what might come next.

What's up? We small-talked a bit, and before long, he was saying, "I've been giving this a lot of thought and wanted to ask you something...soon enough, he was asking whether I would give him my blessing to marry my daughter. I didn't hesitate, "Absolutely you do."

When I started telling other people about this—and I'm sure Jon's parents heard the same variation—it was always, ”Do you like the guy?"

Yeah. I think he's a genuine mix of loyalty and curiosity. He’s all-in for the value of storytelling, embraces wonder, looks at the natural world, and cares; he understands being kind is a talent you get paid back for 1000 times over, and, through all this, he keeps getting done what needs to get done.

While he was asking for my blessing, three things went through my mind:

First: Wow, I didn't know “kids” still asked fathers for blessings. This took some real gumption, and I was honored to be asked. Admired his courage.

Second, I knew they’d hoped this would happen; I’d heard enough offhanded comments during their conversations to know they had wide-reaching plans, places, and things they wanted to do together. I also know my daughter; she’s not often shy about what she wants.

And third, I thought, I’m not sure there's ever been a harder time to be young in this world. Real, or not, I feel people in their twenties and thirties seem close to being controlled by algorithms; I read how young people are getting addicted to devices, gambling online, day trading, going into debt, making less $$ than their parents, unable to purchase a home, less confident about having children.

So, for these two to decide amongst all these odds—to declare they want to get married—what a place to be; embarking on their new journey really pleased me. I love knowing they want to be part of this world; they envision a future worth living for.

Photo by Michael Fenton on Unsplash

What else was thinking? I was thinking in everyday English, the words we use to say stuff like “we’re going to the store” or “I’m washing the dishes” are just fine, but they don’t really work when we say, “they’re getting married.”

In poetry, we can do much better—let me try again.

Here are two people living their lives—imagine them both 3 years old and seeing the sun, 6 years old and tasting a flavor, 9 years old and discovering a smell, 11 years old and hearing an owl, 15 years old and planting potatoes, … discovering themselves unique, unusual, bold, laughing and crying, finding friends, thinking about their futures,
wondering

what next?

Who knew somewhere along the line, they'd meet so unexpected,
in a room together, unaware,
a glance, a thought; a certain something turned familiar, a hint of orange in their step, a familiar phrase remembered, a flash of something one-time dreamed, so distant and so near,
a newfound trill
matching the other’s pitch

precisely.

For it is you I wish to know my secrets, see me sad and happy; who knows I purr when sunlight hits me, can say hello and goodbye together. It is you alone who makes me better, feel important, a body electric, a song of shadows, cheers as moist as morning dew,
soft,
silent,
invisible,

coating me with care.

Those clouds in our eyes from that ridge in Barcelona where all the shining seas arise. Fire, water, earth, and air coating our world with gold.

Yes, we’re getting married and we gush and blush and it's not just your infectious smile or anything you do exactly, it's not just your laugh or your eyes or that shoulder that you roll,
with you,
there’s something new,
something more, something sudden, something urgent, something needed, something kind, something found
because,
you see,
my whole life I’ve been searching for someone who spoke

my language.

In English, we say, “They're getting married,” but we know it’s so much more.

Poet Mary Oliver asked, "Tell me, what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

My answer, with all of us gathered here today,

Exactly what they're doing now.

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1. Names are changed